Welcome to our episode where we discuss the unique mix of excitement and anxiety that comes with the beginning of a new school year. Whether it’s your child’s first day in Pre-school or they’re transitioning to Middle school or High School, each fresh start brings a wave of emotions and a variety of concerns for both parents and children alike. My name is Susan, I’ll be your narrator, sharing the expert guidance and training provided by Efrat Hazaz, a parenting consultant and co-founder of the Makes Kids Happier Center.Â
It’s the eve of the new school year, and excitement is at an all-time high. Each fresh start stirs emotions within us, particularly when we witness our children embarking on their school journey. It’s an emotion that deeply moves us and can often bring a tear to our eyes.
However, with all this excitement come numerous concerns. These worries are not just ours, as parents, but primarily those of our children. Let’s momentarily step into their world and imagine ourselves stepping into a new workplace. Undoubtedly, we would be thrilled, but also filled with questions and anxieties. Will we fit in? Will we get along with our new colleagues? Our boss? Will they like and appreciate us? These are natural queries that are likely coursing through our children’s minds too.
Typically, children express their fears through crying, reluctance to enter school, shyness, or refusal to answer questions posed by teachers or friends. Each child exhibits their concerns in their own unique way. At this juncture, as parents, it’s essential for us to accept each child for who they are and the way they express their feelings. More importantly, we have the capacity to help them navigate their worries!
For children attending day care or Pre-school, especially those who haven’t been in any formal setting until now, we must provide them with as much reassurance as possible. We need to make them feel they are entering a comfortable and secure environment. Engage in conversations with them leading up to the first day, share your excitement, and more importantly, acknowledge their excitement too. Encourage them to voice their fears. Refrain from dismissing their concerns because, in reality, their fears might materialize – like feeling alone or misunderstood. Thus, it’s our responsibility to guide them on how to manage when they’re feeling sad.
Plan with them – pack their favorite blanket, a cherished doll they love to sleep with, and a family photo in their bag. Assure them that you’re always with them, in their hearts.
Last year, my daughter confessed that she missed me in the afternoon, just before nap time. To ease her longing, I suggested that she place her hand on her heart and send me a message, like “I love you,” or “I miss you.” I explained that I would receive the message instantly and return it with a strong surge of love. On days when she felt down, she would inquire if I had received her message, and we’d talk about it. This ritual remains with us till this day.
Children transitioning to kindergarten are stepping from their familiar preschool environment into a world of structured learning.
I understand that most schools offer a settling-in period to ensure a smooth transition. Still, it’s our responsibility as parents to prepare our children for this shift. Emphasize the benefits of school to them – new friends, perhaps older siblings who are already attending the same school. Most importantly, address their fears. Ask, “What are you worried about?” Do not shy away from this question. Engage with it and assist them in articulating their fears. Be attentive and supportive. If they’re scared, validate their feelings rather than dismissing them. Empathize with them by saying things like, “I understand your fear, it can be scary. But remember, you can always share your worries with us, and we’re here to help.” Encourage them to share their fears with their teacher as well, reassuring them that their teacher, too, might be feeling excited or anxious about the new school year.
On their return from school, pose this specific question: “How did you feel at school today?” rather than just asking, “How was your day?” Children need encouragement to express their feelings, and when they see you sharing your own, they’ll feel more comfortable reciprocating. Make an effort to learn about their daily activities. For example, “Did you play outside? With whom? Which games or equipment did you enjoy the most?” Keep in mind, don’t bombard them with questions, take a measured approach, and importantly, don’t panic if they’ve spent some time playing alone. This is entirely normal, especially in the initial days when children may feel shy.
On the social aspect, trust the teachers to foster teamwork amongst the children. However, equip your children with social tools during your conversations. Teach them to engage with new friends by asking, “What’s your name?” or suggesting, “Would you like to play together?” If your child mentions their queries went unanswered, help them understand that their peers might also be feeling shy.
For children transitioning to a new grade level,
These children are in a familiar environment and likely know many friends from previous years. Still, remember that they might have fears too. They need to be engaged in conversations about their feelings. Ask them a day before how they’re feeling about the change. For older children, you can inquire about what helped them adjust during the previous year’s transition.
For children transitioning to Middle school/High School,
At the age of 13, children are entering adolescence, and their fears may take on a different shape. Even children who are introverted or extroverted may have heightened concerns, often revolving around social dynamics. Sometimes, parents may find it challenging to engage in deep conversations with their teenagers and encourage them to open up. In these cases, it’s crucial to instill a sense of security in them and reiterate a clear message: “No matter what happens or has happened, we’re always here to support you.”
With that, let’s embrace the coming school year and wish our children a year filled with learning, growth, and joy. And by that Make your kids happier.
yours,
Efrat.
