Being a mother is not an easy task; it’s demanding and often feels unrewarding. The moment our first child is born, we inherit a coveted title: ’Being a Mom’. Along with this comes the monumental responsibility of parenthood, a duty that accompanies us from that moment on, forever inseparable from our identities. The mind never rests, continuously filled with daily questions and concerns related to every action we undertake with our children and for their sake. We grapple with quandaries such as: Why did I lose my temper with my children over a trivial matter that upset me? Did I fail to prepare enough nutritious food for their dinner? Why didn’t I allow her to wear that flamboyant dress to school? She was so disappointed! And countless more situations that steal our sleep. If we allow these thoughts to dominate us without daily or weekly moments of positive affirmation, we risk losing ourselves. We run the danger of quickly becoming irritable and exhausted mothers. So, how can we manage these thoughts and lessen the weight of parental responsibility? By practicing proper self-encouragement and acknowledging the wonderful mother that you are! Let’s learn how to do this. For this exercise, you’ll need to answer three important questions (it’s recommended to have something to write with):
First question: Write down the characteristic or the thing that you excel at as a mother.
What does that mean to you? Each one should consider her unique qualities or the actions she performs as a mother that she believes she excels at. Emphasize the positive. Reflect on the things you do best. For instance, you might be exceptional at calming your crying child. You may spend a lot of quality time playing with your children, or perhaps you delight in fooling around with them. Maybe you don’t have an abundance of time with your children, but when you do, you enrich them academically. Your hugs might have a healing power that soothes their pain. The meals you prepare for them could be their favorite. You could be a master at having meaningful conversations with your children, fostering an environment where they open up to you with honesty and trust. The list goes on… It’s essential to take the positive quality you’ve written down and place it somewhere visible, like on your refrigerator, to serve as a constant reminder of your awesomeness! I also recommend writing it down on a note and placing it in your wallet. Each time you open your wallet, you’ll be reminded of how remarkable and amazing you truly are! Give yourself a pat on the back – you absolutely deserve it!
I’d like to clarify something – I’m well aware there’s a great deal of self-criticism out there, but the objective of this exercise is to highlight and reinforce the positive actions that you do but perhaps don’t fully acknowledge.
Consider this example: mothers who don’t have the time, knowledge, or desire to cook often feel guilty for not preparing home-cooked, healthy meals for their children. I want to assure these mothers that it’s perfectly acceptable to purchase pre-prepared meals. If health is a concern, there are plenty of options for purchasing healthy, prepared meals. Your children would rather have a happy, fulfilled mother! If you aren’t deriving pleasure from cooking, they likely won’t take pleasure in the food. It’s far better to spend quality time with your children during these moments – they will be just as content as you are!
So, concentrate on the positive things you do for your children, and strive to be at peace with your decisions. This will bolster your consciousness of your effective parenting.
Second question: List all the things you genuinely enjoy doing for yourself! (at least 3 things)
Examples could include: meeting with a friend, going on a date with your spouse, getting a pedicure/manicure, enjoying quiet reading time, walking the dog, strolling along the beach, watching a movie, dancing, cycling, and more…
The goal of this exercise is to underscore the significance of your time each day! And when you engage in these activities, make sure to carve out time for yourself! I understand there will be those who say -It’s not feasible! But I’m here to tell you that it’s entirely your choice! Just as you’d schedule meetings with clients or colleagues for work, or arrange time with friends in the park, or plan a get-together with a friend or your spouse, you should also be scheduling time for yourself! I recommend doing this every day, and I’ll even explain how!
I don’t anticipate you setting aside an hour or two each day, but vary it! One day, allow 15 minutes, another day, half an hour, and on another, perhaps two hours. The key is to manage it just as you would manage your workday, or as you manage your schedule alongside your household and children.You need to understand that you are the most vital and important part of your day! And you need to recharge yourself! Don’t rely on anyone else, just yourself.
So, what’s the next step?
Take the list you’ve compiled and allocate times for each activity in your planner. On Sunday, I partake in Pilates at 8 PM; on Monday, I engage in a leisurely walk; and so on. I formally arrange this in my planner as part of my schedule. And, when I’m aware that this is my personal time, I make the most of it to the fullest.
Of course, these scheduled activities can be subject to change – adapt as needed. However, set a rule for yourself: only one scheduled activity out of all can be canceled! We often tend to cancel what’s solely for us – let’s break that cycle!
Another crucial aspect to ensure that this time isn’t compromised is to keep your family members updated. Your spouse needs to be aware of your schedule, as do your children! They should be informed about what to expect – after all, they might wonder, “Where is mom?” We wouldn’t want them to unintentionally interrupt your private time. Therefore, update them beforehand, explain gently yet firmly that you’ll be unavailable, and that in an hour you’ll be back to prepare dinner or to engage in other activities. Providing them with a clear expectation is key.😄 Once you’ve established a daily window of time for yourself, you’ll feel the satisfaction of self-care and the importance of creating space for yourself! Even if you had an emotionally challenging day, remember that tomorrow offers another opportunity to rejuvenate and recharge yourself! 🥳
The third question: Share an experience you had with your children in the past three days that made you feel proud!
For instance: “I successfully carved out time to play with my daughter.” “I successfully convinced my child to eat a Veggies instead of chocolate.” The aim of this exercise is to remind you each day of what amazing mothers you are! At the end of every day, strive to remember one instance you shared with your children – an instance that filled you with pride!
Even if it’s seemingly small, its impact is not. For instance, “I managed to carve out some time to play with my daughter.” If you are a mother who usually struggles to find such time, and today you managed to do so, and your child was thrilled, congratulate yourself! “I persuaded my child to eat a veggies instead of chocolate.” Even if all you did was remind him, “Hey, don’t forget to eat your veggies,” and they complied. congratulate yourself! “Your daughter decided to dress herself for school.” If your child typically resists getting dressed for school and today you did something that encouraged her to dress herself, that’s a significant achievement! Congratulate yourself!
Always remember, perfection is not the goal, being whole as a woman, a partner, and a mother is! And to achieve wholeness, you need to nurture yourself – it’s not contingent on our children or our partners, it relies solely on you!
