When children realize that their actions have consequences and that someone else is hurt or struggling to accept their behavior, they begin to see the situation from a more empathetic perspective. They understand that they are not the only ones involved in the scenario. Instead of placing blame and saying things like, “You always behave like this,” or “You are always throwing things,” focus on expressing your feelings. Say things like, “I find it challenging when I see things being thrown around the house,” or “It’s hard for me to hear disrespectful language.” Express your viewpoint while simultaneously setting boundaries, such as, “In our home, we don’t use bad language.”

Provide space for them to express their feelings when they’re angry, and offer assistance in managing their anger. You might say, “When you speak rudely to me, it hurts… and then I need some time to myself, so I can’t be with you.” And then distance yourself! Add, “When you’re calm, I’ll be here!” It’s not wrong to admit that you’ve been hurt!